June 28, 2022

Off the top of your head, can you remember what happened five weeks ago today? How about the name of the person responsible? Many of you may remember the date of the Uvalde, TX Massacre but I doubt more than a handful of you know the name of the young man that committed that heinous crime. I know I had to look it up, and I watch at least one news show every day. There’s been plenty about the police response, the victims and the idea of arming teachers, but very little about the shooter or his background.

Nearly 300 mass shootings in the US so far this year. I hear a lot of, “this has become too common . . . this has to stop . . . why isn’t the government doing something about this?” I think yes, this has become too common. No, it doesn’t have to stop, but it sure would be nice if it would, and why aren’t everyday people doing something instead of waiting for others to take action?

One of the first things that stuck with me as I started to hear about this particular shooting was that the teen shooter had shot his Grandmother first. While she was still in the hospital, his Grandpa was on TV apologizing for his grandson and saying the usual, “he is a good kid.” My question is, where are his parents in all this? I haven’t heard anything about his mother or father in all the hours of news coverage. As far as I’ve heard, the boy lived with his grandparents, but absolutely nothing about the people that brought him into this world. I did find on Wikipedia, the ultimate source of all accurate knowledge, that his Mom has been involved with drugs and his parents appear to be separated.

I understand this young man had turned 18 recently, making him an adult by our legal standards. But I think we should consider his parents at least partly responsible for the lives lost and hurt that has been caused by their son. It’s been said on the news that this young man was bullied, but I wonder:

• How much of his mental anguish was caused by his mother and father, the two people that should love and care for you more than anyone else? 
• If they didn’t cause the problems, why did they not help him more with dealing with the bullies and challenges of his teenage years? I have raised a son who was the target of bullying that started as early as preschool so I know it’s not easy, but children can be raised without that violence. 
• How is it the grandparents didn’t know there were guns and so much ammunition in their house when his sister knew his plan to obtain guns even before it was legal?

In 1989, the movie Parenthood came out and with it one of my favorite lines from a movie. Keanu Reeves’ character, Tod says, “. . . you need a license to buy a dog or drive a car. Hell, you need a license to catch a fish! But they’ll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.” Ever since hearing that, I’ve felt our society would be better off if we could somehow reduce the number of children born in this world that are unwanted or un-cared for. 

In that vein of thought, if you have a driver’s license or a fishing license, it can be revoked if you break the law or in other words, act irresponsibly. What if we started holding parents at least partially responsible for their children’s actions? Here a few thoughts I’ve had, please feel free to let me know what you think:

• We have decided that people under the age of 18 are not responsible adults, so if they commit a crime, why shouldn’t their parents be held partially responsible? It would have to be a sliding scale, where the parents of an eleven year old would be culpable to a greater degree than the parents of a seventeen year-old. 
• There would have to be a cut-off at some point, where people are fully responsible for themselves. I would guess around 24 or 25 years old as that’s when insurance companies have deemed individuals warrant a reduction in rates. Would there be an adjustment for kids that don’t move out of and don’t contribute to their parents household when they have the means (mooches)?
• Obviously, if a crime is committed, there needs to be consequences. For the perpetrator we already have sentencing laid out, but maybe we need to make sure the punishment fits the crime a little better. Few things irritate me more than to hear of repeated offenders who are incarcerated for extended periods on my taxpayer dollar. The consequences need to be such that they discourage repeat offenses and deter others from a life of crime.
• Consequences for parents need to be appropriate as well, and financial repercussions would be a waste of time and effort. Community service time would be my choice for parents, and possibly the criminals as well.  

As I talked about in my blog Discipline That Counts, discipline needs to hit home for the recipient and sometimes discipline has ramifications for parents too. 

What can each do to teach our children better and teach them more responsibility? What can we do as individuals to prevent shootings? I don’t have many of the answers, but I think it starts with paying better attention to family members and friends so we can speak up when necessary, taking responsibility for our actions and above all, adhering to the Golden Rule. Try these ideas for a week and let me know how it goes.

Thanks for spending part of your day with me. Please share this as often as you like and tell your friends and family – we can change our world but it has to start with us.