I watch the CBS Mornings News every day if possible. I even record it on our DVR, so I don’t have to miss anything if I don’t have time to watch on any particular day. In 2020 they started a segment called “Kindness 101” with Steve Hartman and his kids E– and M–. I love this segment – it reminds me of the show “Zoom” from my childhood with kid reporters, and they always report on good things going on in the world. 

This blog was inspired because a recent Kindness 101 segment was titled “A Lesson in Honesty,” where they used honesty and truth interchangeably. I feel there’s a distinct difference. I started thinking about the differences about 15 years ago when I read “The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom” by Don Miguel Ruiz. I highly recommend this book for anyone and everyone. I don’t hold with the spiritual aspects he discusses, but wholeheartedly support the agreements.

The first agreement he discusses is “Be impeccable with your word.” It’s been a while since I read it, so my memory of his explanation is imperfect, but in short, Mr. Ruiz suggests that you say exactly what you mean, and if someone doesn’t understand you precisely, clarify your speech. Personally, I try to be honest as much as possible, but if not, I at least tell the truth.

Let me explain the differences I see with truth and honesty. 

Truth

Wiktionary.org defines truth as, “True facts, genuine depiction or statements of reality.” Telling the truth is generally a lot easier than telling lies, in my experience. Unfortunately, many of us are taught from a young age to lie. I was raised with the Ten Commandments from the Bible and plenty of verbal encouragement not to lie. But when it came to punishments, the truth was punished as much as a lie if Mom didn’t like what she learned. I’m smart, so I quickly learned to lie better. It took quite a while and a fair amount of effort to stop telling falsehoods. 

Now that I’m practiced at it, telling the truth is a cinch, I just report things as they are. At times though, I don’t tell the whole truth, that’s where honesty comes into play. 

Honesty

One definition of honest is: “Scrupulous with telling the truth, not given to swindling, lying or fraud (deception).” In my mind, that means not only will I tell the truth, I’ll tell the whole truth. I’ve learned that honesty requires great trust in the person(s) with whom you’re communicating. I heard someone say recently, “If you’re afraid to offend, you can’t be honest.” You have to trust the other person will not use your words against you in some way, they won’t resent you for your honesty. 

Do I Look Fat?

A great example of truth versus honesty is the age old question wives supposedly ask their husbands: “Does this make me look fat?”

For many women, the truth is no, that outfit does not make you look fat, nothing does. 

If you’re heavier, like me, the truth is still no, that outfit does not make you look fat, your fat does. That would be a more honest answer, because it’s telling more of the facts. But a husband could honestly add something like, “But I love you just the way you are,” or “And you’re beautiful.” 

Truth can be deceptive. His answer could be, “I think you look great.” It would be true while not being honest. Honesty requires a lack of deception. Truth is about facts, honesty is about all the facts.

For honest answers there has to be a level of trust that is often difficult to develop. In the example above, he needs to be able to trust that she’s not going to fly off the handle because he was answering her question. She needs to trust that his honesty was not intended maliciously, and they can both be grateful that they have someone to be honest with. 

Honesty can be quite freeing. I wish we could all be honest with each other. Perhaps we can work at that, starting with more truth. If you have any thoughts about truth and honesty, please comment below. I appreciate any feedback you have to offer. 

Thanks for visiting again – have an honestly great day today!